Look at and build up a little success.

Hi, I'm Haruyo.

After I finished writing my travel log, I run out of ideas to write in English. There's only "DIARY" left as I practice English writing.

By the way, it's been over a month since I started exercise.

I've lost two kilograms compared to the first day. But I thought I was only be able to lost 2kg in one month, despite the fact I had been under diet control. I only had limited foods. I kept it even when I went for a drink. However I only lost 2kg. I was a little shocked. Actually sometimes I thought my body became thinner when I saw myself in mirror. But there was no more or less.

I took out a two month course, so there is only one month left. I was worried about my body that has not changed a lot. In a middle counselling I asked my trainer if I've improved before I knew it.

He answered in a strong voice, "Yes, you have." But I couldn't believe him with all my heart. Then I asked him back "really?" ... I thought. I can't remember exactly what I said back.
He noticed I was worried and gave me confidence with his advice. I can't remember what he told me now, but during that I thought about another thing that I do everyday too and didn't go well. His advice covered both my exercise and another, so I was about to cry. Maybe I can remember what I felt by his telling rather than what he told me.

Anyway it was true that I was cheered up by him so I said to him thank you later.

Then I got an message from him. It said, in a word, that you don't have to worry. Process is more important than result. Let's try to build up success little by little.

Describing myself, I usually live following my intuition and feelings so I think I can notice easily even a little thing.

So in exercise, I felt "I could keep my balance longer.", "The barbell feels heavier compared to before." or "I feel like muscle pain is going away quicker". I could feel something good like that.

Do you remember I told you there's another thing I do everyday? It's English learning. I do almost everyday. But there are some days I can't speak English well online English lessons and I'm disappointed at such myself. It looks like I

But in some lessons I was able to use new words or expressions. I noticed that myself too.

I know people are progressing with little success like that, but I didn't feel so because they were too small successes.

But the message from my trainer reminded me of what my boss said on the last day of six-month training in my first year of working.

"Great job, everyone. If there is old you six month ago next to you, you can give him some advice through the training, right? I'm sure you have been coming along so just have a confidence on yourself."

What if I am next to me who is just starting exercise then? What if I am next to me who is just starting English learning then? How many thing I can tell her?

Thinking like this, I finally accepted how much progress I've made so far. You don't need to be too proud of myself now if comparing to old you, and I think you can more likely feel your growth with even a little thing.

We tend to compare myself with others, your ideal or your goal. But if you become upset doing that, just stop doing and looking back. Imagine what if the old you are next to you now, and you are sure to feel much progress. It is the old you that you should compare with, not others and even not future self.

Bye! 

A picture of a guy, my friend, and students at a def school in Malawi.
Children are all adrable.

 

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トレーニングを開始して1か月が経過した。

開始時と比較して、体重は2キロ落ちたけど、これを「2キロしか」と捉えるか「2キロも」と捉えるかは人次第だ。

ちなみに私は前者の方だった。1か月、指定されたものを指定量摂取して「2キロしか」落ちてないのかぁ。というのが正直な感想だった。確かに鏡を見ると「ちょっと体薄くなったかな?」と思ったけど、それ以上でもそれ以下のことは無い。

申し込んだトレーニングコースは2カ月。残りあと1か月。全然変わっていない自分の身体を見て、私は焦っていた。トレーナーさんとの中間カウンセリングで思わず「私は前に進んでいるんでしょうか?」と聞いた。

実際の数値を見て「進んでいますよ!」と力強い返事が返ってきた。だけど、正直私は素直に受け入れられなかった。それで「本当に?」と聞き返したような…。焦っていた自分を見たトレーナーさんが私に励ましの言葉をいっぱい言ってくれた。正直、内容はもう思い出せないんだけど(ごめんなさい!)、言ってくれている間、私が毎日やっている「英語学習」のことも頭に浮かんできて、そちらにも当てはまる励ましの言葉を言ってくれたので、泣きそうになってしまった。
私、言ってくれた内容より「その時自分は何を感じたか」の方が記憶に残りやすのかも。

その言葉に元気をもらえたのは事実だったから、あとで御礼の連絡をした。

そしたら夜に返信が来た。要約すると「焦る必要はないよ。結果よりも過程が重要なんだから。小さな成功体験を積み重ねていこう。」って。

私は普段、感情や直感に従って生きているから、小さな変化にも気づきやすい方だと思っている。

だからトレーニングの時も、「前よりプランク長く出来ている!」とか、「さっきよりバーベルが重く感じる…(=トレーニングが効いている証拠)」とか「筋肉痛の引きが早くなったなぁ」…とか、色々感じることは出来ている。

毎日英語に触れているけど、オンライン英会話で思うように会話出来なかったりすると落ち込む。全体としてみれば上手く話せていないけれど、新しい表現を使うことが出来た回もある。そういう時、「今日はこの表現が使えた。」って自分でも気づいている。

それの積み重ねで前に進んでいくんだろうけど、小さな出来事すぎて前に進んでいる感覚がしなかった。

でも昨日のトレーナーさんからの返信を読んで思い出したことがあって。新卒で入った会社の新人研修最終日に講師が言っていた一言だ。

「半年間の研修お疲れ様でした。今、自分の隣に半年前の自分がいたら、色々教えてあげることが出来るよね?君たちはちゃんと成長出来ています。自信を持ってね」

いま、トレーニング初日の自分が隣にいたら。英語勉強初日の自分がいたら。どれだけ多くのことを話せるだろう。

そう考えたら「いまはこんなに出来るようになった」って、やっと思うことが出来た。過去の自分との比較なので見栄を張ることも無いし、小さな変化でも「変わっているな」と実感しやすい気がする。

つい理想と比べてしまうけど、比べ過ぎて苦しくなったら、立ち止まって過去を振り返ろう。あの時の自分が隣にいたら?と想像すれば、前に進んでることを実感できるから。比べるのは「過去の自分」であり、「未来の自分」でも「他人」でもないのだから。

 

そして明日は1カ月ぶりになんでも食べれる日。海鮮丼よ待ってろー!!

 

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